What If I'd Been Born A Boy

Gotten a Y chromosome instead of another X?  

It's weird thinking that my life could have, essentially, been completely different.  Would I still like boys?  Boy clothing?  Would I be a feminine boy, a masculine boy, a straight boy, a gay boy?  I probably would have had a lot more of my dad's love and respect.  What if I was all dad needed?  What if our family held together, because he got the boy he wanted for years and years?  Got the sports-y, dog lover that I was, minus the penis.  But what if it got worse?  What if dad beat on me harder, because I was a boy?  Demanded more of me?  Hit the life out of me, until I attempted suicide my slicing apart my chest, like my cousin did.

       But, I think that on a deeper level, my family-oriented emotional trauma would be the same regardless of whether I was born a boy or girl.  I suffered because of my mom's choices, basically.  And I mean, I was born because of those choices, too, but still.  

What about my more personal life?  I mostly only had male friends in Elementary.  Do boys get complimented on their looks more?  Are they wired to care?  If I weighed what I weigh and was a boy, how would I feel about myself?  If I was a dorky, curly-haired, overweight boy..my god.

But say, I had led basically the same life, just, with a penis.  What about Conner and I?  what if I had this huge crush on a straight boy, and I was a gay boy?  Zaih and I?  Would she still have pulled me into that magnetic field of damage, but with romantic intentions?