Remember:

Being a flexible parent that accepts all genders doesn't just mean buying your girl monster trucks and tshirts, letting her wear blue and not pink, and getting her play in the dirt.

It also includes accepting and letting you son wear pink, dresses, and play with dolls.

There is a very large double standard on this.  I've grown up a tomboy.  I was always a tomboy, from infancy.  It's just me.  But, aside from a lot of teasing, I was never really told no by anyone.  My parents don't mind.  But my boyfriend wants to get his ears pierced or paint his nails, and it's a big deal.  Boys aren't even allowed to pierce their ears in ROTC, but girls can.  It doesn't have to be gender dysphoria feelings.  Boys get their ears pierced and wear pink.  It shouldn't be a big deal anymore.  Yet it is.  We, as a society, are very afraid of boys being feminine.

Keep an open mind.  You will make this world a better place.

Be An Ally

This goes to anyone that is the majority group.  Of anything, really, but especially with sexuality and gender.  It’s not good to generalize cis or straight people, but if you want the respect of gay, lesbian, and trans*/queer people, you have to educate yourself and be an ally.  

Sometimes it’s hard to get educated about trans* matters, because there isn’t as much light shined on gender as there is on sexuality. But here is a list of things to get you started:

A list of gender terms is here: [link]

A trans 101 is here: [link]

A quick etiquette lesson when talking to a trans person (what not to say/ask) can be seen here: [link] and here: [link]

Also, I just skimmed through this, but here is a wiki article about gender reassignment surgery. It’s generally offensive/intrusive to ask someone about their genitals, so if you’re honestly curious, here is a little info on surgery, and how it works: [link]
This is a pretty good resource on hormones, and how they work: [link] I can’t really find any great ones resources on that now, sorry guys.

What If I'd Been Born A Boy

Gotten a Y chromosome instead of another X?  

It's weird thinking that my life could have, essentially, been completely different.  Would I still like boys?  Boy clothing?  Would I be a feminine boy, a masculine boy, a straight boy, a gay boy?  I probably would have had a lot more of my dad's love and respect.  What if I was all dad needed?  What if our family held together, because he got the boy he wanted for years and years?  Got the sports-y, dog lover that I was, minus the penis.  But what if it got worse?  What if dad beat on me harder, because I was a boy?  Demanded more of me?  Hit the life out of me, until I attempted suicide my slicing apart my chest, like my cousin did.

       But, I think that on a deeper level, my family-oriented emotional trauma would be the same regardless of whether I was born a boy or girl.  I suffered because of my mom's choices, basically.  And I mean, I was born because of those choices, too, but still.  

What about my more personal life?  I mostly only had male friends in Elementary.  Do boys get complimented on their looks more?  Are they wired to care?  If I weighed what I weigh and was a boy, how would I feel about myself?  If I was a dorky, curly-haired, overweight boy..my god.

But say, I had led basically the same life, just, with a penis.  What about Conner and I?  what if I had this huge crush on a straight boy, and I was a gay boy?  Zaih and I?  Would she still have pulled me into that magnetic field of damage, but with romantic intentions?  

Update...Apologies, Even Though I Have No Readers.

I noticed today that although my blog says, gender, sexuality, mental illness, feminism, and thoughtful atheism."  I have barely made any posts about religion or mental illness.  I'll start working on that.  


I'm suffering from codependency, anxiety/paranoia, a self-injury addiction, mood swings, feelings of empty identity, depression, and restricting/starving with binges.


I'm pangender.


I'm atheist.


And here's a picture of me:

My chest is tied down.  Stuck here forever...blurring the lines.

I'm A Feminist Because..

• I'm a feminist because since I was young, boys were favored.  Physically, in sports teams, whatever.  I'm grow up a tomboy, a girl who was doing things most boys were, and was hit in the face with how much teachers would prefer boys helping them move things, how everyone thought the boys teams were better, etc.
• I'm a feminist because I don't want to be forced to write under a male pseudonym.  J. K. Rowling published her books with her initials and not her full name because her editors believed no one would pick up an action/fantasy written by a women.  I want to be a writer, a poet, something creative, and expressing my femininity - or my pangender identity, for that matter - shouldn't be a turn off to a potential buyer.
• I'm a feminist because my future daughters and I deserve the same opportunities as my future sons and husband.  Although I have ZERO desire to join the military, I think it's sexist that when you register to vote, only men's names are put in the draft.  Equality is key.  If a man and women apply for the same job, the best qualified one should receive it, not the one society has proclaimed more fit by genitals.
• I'm a feminist because being a stay-at-home mom, while admirable, is no longer the only way to go, and I want my kids to see that.  I want the boys to know they can be nurses, nursery teachers, or hair dressers and that's OKAY and for the girls to know they can be construction workers, electricians, and other masculine jobs, and that's OKAY, because gender roles are stupid.
• I'm a feminist because no human should be perceived as an object, a toy, something to just play around with.  I'm a women, and I should have rights because I'm a human being.  Regardless of how I identify, what's between my legs, on my chest, or on my birth certificate.  I deserve rights because I am breathing and living and a person.

Lies and Stereotypes I've Learned About Sex, Sexuality, and Gender

Lie 1 - Only males are horny, only males want sex.  Women agree because the men want it.  Girls shouldn't even really WANT sex.  I can attest, that this is completely untrue.  I've never had sex, because I can control my impulses and I'm responsible enough to know before I even consider, I need to be on the pill, having good condoms, and I am way too romantic to do it in 10 minutes behind the couch.  But the stereotype that guys will stick it in while your mom's at Walmart in your dirty garage is so wrong.  Boys have desire, girls have desire.  Boys pressure, girls pressure.  It goes both ways, or it can go neither ways.  Both can be respectful.  One can want more, but stay quiet about it until the other is comfortable.  And not even in the realm of anything pressuring, just arousal.  Girls can want pleasure, too.  It's not this XY chromosome thing to want to feel good sexually.

Lie 2 relates to lie 1 - Only boys masturbate.  Girls masturbate for guys, to please guys.  Sluts masturbate on webcam, but that's about it.  In general, masturbating is gross.
So false I don't even know where to start.  Like I said previously, the idea that only boys want pleasure is silly in itself.  Personally, I think a lot of the reason girls don't masturbate as much is (beyond the social stigma, just google "is it okay to masturbate" and you will find a lot of girls and boys being worried about such.) that it actually is harder for a lot of girls to get off by themselves.  It generally takes girls longer to orgasm, and is just harder to get to that level of arousal.  And although I never really shared this opinion, I have heard a lot of, "But masturbating is so gross.  Touching yourself?  Ew."  For girls and boys.  Masturbating is probably the most natural thing ever.  Exploring your sexuality, physically and emotionally, is completely okay.

Lie 3 - Sex is insanely complex, troublesome, and even if your partner is a virgin, if you're not married, you will mysteriously contract an STD.  Okay, so I have never had sex, and I know it doesn't just pop right in like a puzzle piece, but there seems to be the idea floating around that if you tell kids that it's really hard, they will be deterred, when the opposite is true...they will explore.  Also, with the STDs: Yes, caution is wonderful.  Getting STD screenings is great.  But so is reality.  And the reality is you probably won't get AIDS from a bathroom toilet seat, spread it to your partner, and die a painful death.  If you're both honest and virgins (or just honest and clean), nothing will randomly emerge.

Lie 4 - Having sex with more than one - even just two or three different people in a fairly small frame of time - makes you a slut.  So does talking about sexual preferences or your sex life.  Wrong.  Cheating is getting into slutty.  Not knowing who your babies daddy is makes you a slut.  Having every STD possible makes you a slut.  Being a hooker makes you a slut.  but being 18 and having had sex with two people doesn't make you a slut.  Neither does wearing "slutty" clothes or saying that you are horny.


Lie 5  - Liking it in the ass makes you gay if you're a boy, weird if you're a girl.
To begin, sexuality is not nearly that shallow.  Just as straight people have types, so do gay people.  And it's not really JUST penis and ass.  That's not all there is to being a male homosexual, just as bobs and vagina isn't all there is to being a girl.  If you're attracted to boys, you like boy faces, boy bodies, boy chest, etc.  The aura of a man.  If you are attracted to girls, you like the feminine hips, the girly face, the (probably) long hair.  But there is the male equivalent of a g-spot in the ass, and it is not purely by some twisted birth defect that it would feel good.  It's just as natural as any other sexual feeling.  And for girls: there's still nerves and stuff.  It's not this numb area of no feeling.


Lie 6 - You can be gay, you can be straight, and you can even be bi, but you MUST have a label.  If you don't know, you can't be anything. There's not even much to say about this except that it's wrong.  You  can be questioning sexuality, gender, you could be a gay guy that happens to like boobs you can be a straight girl that likes girl curves.  You can make out with someone of the same sex and it doesn't make you guy.  You can be gay and have a opposite sex crush and it doesn't make you straight.

Lie 7 - Gender if male or female.  Getting sex changes or cross-dressing is weird if you're a boy, but not if you're a girl.  Just wrong.  If I wear a men's clothes, why do they have to be men's clothes?  They're MY clothes.  My gender queer, confused self.  But even before I identified as that.  Are you going to tell a 10 year old she cross dresses?  If a boy wants to dress up as Cinderella, he can.  Heels, a skirt?  Still okay.  Doesn't matter the age or the wear.  It is an okay thing to bend, explore, or identify as different than the binaries.

Lie 8- In order to be a proper, functioning girl and not have your sexuality questioned, you have to have long, flowing hair, loads of makeup, and tight clothes.  Wearing boy clothing, putting your hair in a ponytail, and wanting to be a boy is weird and wrong.  Although no one has ever really solidified for me that this is false, I have discovered myself that it is, indeed, false.  AND that my gender isn't a huge fucking deal.  If I want to be boyish, I can, and I shouldn't be chastised or called a lesbian for it.

Lie 9 - You can never send someone a picture of you even making a silly face or showing a little boob because the moment the boy you send it to becomes even the slightest bit annoyed that you are late to dinner, he will spread it around the entire school and your reputation will be destroyed.  Although I'm sure that this actually does happen a lot - even if the guy only, I don't know, shows it to his friend and says you have nice tits, that's still not something you want.  I just personally don't like the very "EVERYONE WILL SEE THE PICTURE BECAUSE OF REASONS" mentality.  It's illegal, and that's more to worry about in a lot of cases.  It's considered child pornography, and sending them to someone whose not a minor, if you are a minor, can get them in huge trouble.

Gender.

Okay, I want to make a long, somewhat lame post about how I feel about my gender, without referencing anything, without being like, "this post is how I feel."

I'd like to first say that I'm still very confused.  This is a mostly label-free post, just how I FEEL.

I've never felt particularly feminine in my life.  Dresses, the color pink, playing house, Barbies, glitter, make-up, dressing up girly for Halloween, even jewelry - typically feminine things have never really been me.

But at the same time, I wasn't really..butch.  I liked playing in the dirt, worms, dinosaurs, bugs, sports, dark/boy colors Pokemon, I dress like a boy, I like wearing boxers, I only wear necklaces and such that mean something to me, and I was always the dog when we played house, I had a majority more male friends than female.  Being feminine is work for me.  I part my hair a different way when I don't feel like I have to look pretty.

But I've also never liked guns/weapons/fighting, cars, tools, or watching sports (more playing them.), which is also typically masculine.

I like(d) stuffed animals, my littlest pet shops - I was an animal kid.  Also, a huge dino kid.  I like nail polish sometimes and chick flicks.  I like a lot of what could be considered more girly music, but also more rock/masculine music, if music must have a gender.  I'm going to die at the ball walking in heels.  I'm not one to victimize the female gender - I  think boys feel just as much pain, and I'll stand up for that.  I'm not graceful, nor elegant.  Looking like a girl is WORK for me.

So where does that leave me?
A confused tomboy that feels better in boxers and cargo shorts?
A girl who is pushing the limits to much?

I'm not transgender, but I'm not cisgendered.  I'm in the in between somewhere, the gray space, confused.  Because I DO like my girl anatomy..sort of.  I'm comfortable with below the belt, I like what truly defines me as a girl.  But having breasts makes me uncomfortable.  I'd like to bind them, cut my hair, and pass as a boy sometimes.
I think if I'd been born a boy, I'd like it.
The sexual aspects, the gender role.
I might be a fairly emotional/feminine boy..
Like now I am a fairly masculine girl.
It's weird, and I'm very in between, but happy with being a girl.

I think pangender is actually what I feel fits best.