Gender.

Okay, I want to make a long, somewhat lame post about how I feel about my gender, without referencing anything, without being like, "this post is how I feel."

I'd like to first say that I'm still very confused.  This is a mostly label-free post, just how I FEEL.

I've never felt particularly feminine in my life.  Dresses, the color pink, playing house, Barbies, glitter, make-up, dressing up girly for Halloween, even jewelry - typically feminine things have never really been me.

But at the same time, I wasn't really..butch.  I liked playing in the dirt, worms, dinosaurs, bugs, sports, dark/boy colors Pokemon, I dress like a boy, I like wearing boxers, I only wear necklaces and such that mean something to me, and I was always the dog when we played house, I had a majority more male friends than female.  Being feminine is work for me.  I part my hair a different way when I don't feel like I have to look pretty.

But I've also never liked guns/weapons/fighting, cars, tools, or watching sports (more playing them.), which is also typically masculine.

I like(d) stuffed animals, my littlest pet shops - I was an animal kid.  Also, a huge dino kid.  I like nail polish sometimes and chick flicks.  I like a lot of what could be considered more girly music, but also more rock/masculine music, if music must have a gender.  I'm going to die at the ball walking in heels.  I'm not one to victimize the female gender - I  think boys feel just as much pain, and I'll stand up for that.  I'm not graceful, nor elegant.  Looking like a girl is WORK for me.

So where does that leave me?
A confused tomboy that feels better in boxers and cargo shorts?
A girl who is pushing the limits to much?

I'm not transgender, but I'm not cisgendered.  I'm in the in between somewhere, the gray space, confused.  Because I DO like my girl anatomy..sort of.  I'm comfortable with below the belt, I like what truly defines me as a girl.  But having breasts makes me uncomfortable.  I'd like to bind them, cut my hair, and pass as a boy sometimes.
I think if I'd been born a boy, I'd like it.
The sexual aspects, the gender role.
I might be a fairly emotional/feminine boy..
Like now I am a fairly masculine girl.
It's weird, and I'm very in between, but happy with being a girl.

I think pangender is actually what I feel fits best.