My Reasons For Holding Onto My Virginity.

Beyond “I respect myself.”  This gets mildly personal, so read with discretion. 

• I AM only a teenager.  I could probably list a bunch of reasons why not to have sex focused on the fact that I’m young, not ready, have only been together a bit over a year, etc, but that is not the point I wish to make.  People in different situations with different mindsets believe different things about age and readiness and such.  The reasons following these (I hope.) will lack social stigma and be more personal.  
• I’m a paranoid motherfucker.  My period is STILL erratic, after nearly four years, and I’ve been 2+ weeks late, skipped whole months, etc.  I would be WAY to anxious and scared.  If it was a fucking day late I couldn’t focus on anything.  I’d just sit in my room curled in the fetal position.  And yes, eventually I will have to face a little paranoia - but I can’t be on the pill right now, and like I said, 15.  If I was 19 or 20 and a day or two late, I might be able to handle myself.
• I have trust issues, body issues, self-worth issues.  Getting naked?  Exposing myself completely?  breaking down not just physical but emotional barriers?  Letting someone be my first?  I can’t do that, not now.
• I want a solid guarantee that my first will be the one I marry.  No for any stupid moral reasons - I think it’s fine for other people to fuck more than one person before settling down, or be in open relationships, but that’s not for me.  I like my own sense of romance, me own knowing that only one person will ever see me to vulnerable.
• Giving into your desires as soon as they appear can suck.  I’m not one to be like, “Chase a girl for weeks and months and years and THEN date her.” But I do think that with sexual matters, waiting makes the heart grow needier.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting, and not having things fulfilled immediately. 
• I am a hopeless, cheesy, rose-petal loving romantic.  There is absolutely no way in hell I will lose my virginity on my mom’s couch.  I’m not going to lose it in the 15 minutes I have while my dad is at Walgreen’s, scrambling to zip my pants back up when I hear the lock turn in the keyhole.  I’m not saying I have some perfect virginity-losing night planned in my mind - but I know that I want to to be private.  Only rushed from passion, not fear of being walked in on.  I want a date and romance and gentleness.  I want to make love, not quickly fuck.
• This poem always struck a short and sweet cord with me.
• I think sex should be a secondary component to a relationship.  It can matter, yeah, a healthy sex life is great, but it should develop later.  Going from kissing to sex violates something in me that likes to take things step-by step.  
• I’m not doing it for religious reasons, neither am I waiting for marriage.  I am simply waiting, because that’s what FEELS RIGHT to me.