Polyamory

I decided to stop begin lazy and do it now.

I guess I will begin with this: I have been wading my way through the polyamorus culture, which I find beyond interesting, if not for me.  I’m monogamous, because that’s just the kind of person I am.  When I have eyes for someone, my heart centers to them and them alone.  But for some people, open relationships work.  This comes in many different forms, but this blog has a lot of basics, and is basically where I first began to realize these kind of relationships existed.  All her posts about polyamory can be found here.  

Leave your opinions at the beginning of this post, and I’ll begin:

Polyamory is not being a “slut” or sleeping around.  There’s different decisions to make within the relationship, but that is a personal preferences.  Some people are a group - the three or four of you all date, etc.  Some people stay within that group, some people look for relations outside of the group.  Sometimes you have a single boyfriend/girlfriend that you are dating, but you have sexual relations with other people, but don’t date them.  It just depends on the people involved and their feelings.  

Some people need or prefer to have their needs met with multiple people.  Maybe there is just this one special thing that a certain person does, that gets you off differently, that gives you different pleasure.  I have a very small frame of reference since polyamory is EXTREMELY taboo in this culture, but I know that some people actually enjoy and feel very romantically attached to the idea of going out, doing sexual things, and coming home to the one you love, the one who fulfills the 90% of your needs there waiting for you. 

But the children!  We must let our kids remain ignorant and innocent!  No, you don’t.  Not only is it completely fine and dandy to teach children that polyamory exists, there’s also nothing wrong with raising a child in what is basically just a bigger family setting.  If you are not constantly so drunk/stoned you can’t articulate correctly, beating your children, neglecting your children, neglecting educating your children, or not giving them enough love, it shouldn’t matter the amount of partners or the sex of the partners, if you intend for them to be long-term.  So kids may fell confused by switching partners as young children, but that could change.  Plus, there is nothing un-innocent about being educated.

Are bisexuals more likely to be polyamorous? Eyeroll.  No.  Sexual orientation doesn’t have anything to do with being monogamous or poly-amorous, although that would be a situation where maybe those are the “needs” that some people feel better having met.

How can you love more than one person at once? Now, you see, there is NOTHING wrong with loving one person, and there is nothing wrong with loving two.  Do you love both your parents, multiple friends?  Ever loved an ex while still beginning a new relationship?

But isn’t polyamory just an excuse to cheat?  First and foremost, I think the best definition of cheating is simply, “Doing something behind your lover’s back that they are unaware of.” If it’s okay with you for your partner to flirt or maybe even kiss someone’s cheek, that’s a-ok.  If it’s not, then, in that particular relationship, it’s considered cheating.  So basically, polyamory is just widening the boundaries.  instead of hugs and light flirting being okay, sex, romance, and dates with other people are.  Everything is consensual, between both or all people involved.  If you go behind someone in the group’s back, then yes, that would be cheating.  Cheating can exist in polyamorous relationships, as can jealousy, like it can with ANY relationship, but it is not a breeding ground of jealously.  If you’re polyamorous, you’re probably pretty comfortable with the idea of you and your lovers sharing bodies.

Isn’t it unsafe?  STDs, ew.  Okay, this actually really amuses me.  If you are sleeping with multiple people and putting your mouths on multiple genitalia, why the  HELL wouldn’t you be extra safe?  I’m sure these people are hyper-aware of the dangers of pregnancy, STDs, STIs, etc.  There are many forms of contraceptives.

But the bible says _____” I’m going to stop you there.  I in no way want to BASH religion, but I feel like this is something I need to add.  I’m sure there are polyamorous Christians somewhere.  I also don’t think that the morals and indoctrination of one religion (or even a few.) should be applied to EVERYONE.  If you personally wish to have a monogamous relationship PURELY because you feel that to do otherwise is wrong, go for it.  You have that freedom, and that’s awesome and fine and great.  But also, government and laws should not be mixed with church/religion.  Feel free to practice your religion and your beliefs, but let others practice theirs as well.  It is in no way unethical to want to love multiple people, so try and open your minds a little bit.

I’m writing out of steam and things to write about.  I’m googled polyamory arguments for and against.  So..

Here are some videos and blog posts about polyamory and such. (I’ll add to this later…)

Laci Green’s explanation.

Benefits of Sex For Those Who Thinks It's Evil.

As I made a long, annoying post about: I’ve never had sex, and, for the time being, plan to keep it that way, but I dislike the concept of waiting for marriageso that you aren’t a whore.  Waiting until marriage is great, less risk of STDs, pregnancy, and emotional hurt, but it’s not the only way things work anymore.  Since I don’t really know how perfect these websites are, I’m just posting the ones that are repeated or from reliable websites.

1. Sex relieves stress.
2. Sex burns calories - about 170 per hour.
3. Studies show that sex boosts immunoglobulin A, an antibody that protects against colds and infections.
4. Having sex once or twice a week reduces the chance of a fatal heart attack.
5. Sex reduces pain.  As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.  Oxytocin also improves sleep
6. Frequent ejaculations reduce the chances of prostate cancer.
7. Sex balances our hormone levels, which results in clearer skin.
8. Turns out that semen is chock-full of zinc, calcium and other tooth decay-fighting minerals that benefit us when our bodies absorb it. While having lots of sex can’t replace a biannual trip to the dentist, having extra doses of these minerals certainly can’t hurt our pearly whites.
9. Sex (side note: having sex is not the cure to low self-esteem or a failing relationship.  It’s an addition to a good one.) boosts confidence, self-esteem, and improves moods.
10. Some evidence suggests that having sex can heal physical wounds faster.
11. Recent evidence shows that semen could be an antidepressant and help lower blood pressure.  It’s also packed with vitamins/minerals.

Just be safe.  Use condoms and birth control.  Be aware that nothing is 100% safe.  

Why I Am A Straight Supporter of LGBT rights.

Because for some reason, this seems to be something that comes up a lot, and people have questioned my sexuality.  And honestly, I don’t really care.  If someone thinks I’m a lesbian or bi, it makes no difference to me, because I know who I am.  But it makes me angry that people seem to think that you HAVE to be at least bi or pan to support gay rights.  I’m straight, but not narrow.

• I know my rights from my wrongs.  It’s wrong to deny love.  It’s wrong to preach hate.  It’s wrong to tell people they will burn in hell because they were born a certain way.  It’s right to give basic equal rights to every human being.  It’s right to respect love, even if it’s a different love than yours.  It’s right to watch people live in happiness, same-sex or not.  It’s right to let foster children that need parents have parents that are in love, even if they aren’t the same sex.
• I want a better world for my children.  I want a world where it is okay to be whoever you are.  Despite the growing amount of acceptance, there is still a devastating amount of hate.  There are cruel, close-minded people that think an emotion as simple as love is gross.  There are people that can’t keep their nose’s out of other people’s bedrooms and pants.  It doesn’t matter to anyone that I like penis, it shouldn’t matter to anyone if I liked vagina.  My life, my decisions.  I will raise my children in a non-homophobic, accepting household where they know form an early age that whoever they are, I love them.  Gay, straight, bi, pan, trans, it is all equal to me.  They will be my children, and unconditional love is part of parenthood.  I want my kids to grow up in a world where love is embraced.  I want my kids to grow up in a world where they don’t have to fear being shunned for their sexual preference.  I’d honestly like to raise my kids and never assume that they’re straight.  I don’t like the whole idea of “coming out.” I never had to come out as straight.  I’d like to have homosexuality and gender a part of my sex talk I give to my kids.
• Some of the most kind, beautiful, amazing, and sweet people I know are gay, bi, pan, or gender queer in some way.  They’re all amazing.  They shouldn’t be denied their rights to happiness, simply because it’s something seen as different.  We are all human beings.  We all deserve equality.
• I would like to live in a world, and pave the way for any after me to a world, where gender roles are not to stiff.  Where there is not the immediate “gay” label to a man who does anything feminine, where there is not the immediate “dyke” label to a women who does anything masculine.  Where girls don’t HAVE to like pink and play with Barbies and boys don’t HAVE to like blue and play with Power Rangers.  Gender, in all honesty, is not that narrow or black and white.  More people need this realization.

I want to make a difference, an impact, and I believe in this.  I want to help make change.